We walked into Dad's room and there he was asleep in the wheel chair facing the corner. It looked like he had gotten his wheel chair wedged in between his bed and the wall near the bathroom & had just given up trying to free himself. It hurt my heart to see him sitting there alone stuck. I walked up to him & touched his arm & told him, "Hi Dad". It took a few seconds for him to respond to me but he eventually said, "Hi". The kids went up to him next and then Dad wanted Zack to turn him around so he could see us all. After much care my son got him freed and rolled him around facing us. He said hello to us all and sounded happy to see us all. Dad was surprised to see my husband there but happy to see him too.
My Dad has lost a lot of weight since I've seen him last, which hasn't been since Sept. 2010 for me. I've taken the kids to see him since my last visit but I hadn't visited with him because of the falling out with my mother. I am still angry with what she did and I am not ready to see her face to face right now. My Dad looks so fragile and weak.... that is the hardest thing to see and very heart breaking. But I am glad that I went in to visit with him.
We chatted with him for probably about an hour, he seemed a little bit out of it, or may be distracted thinking about other things. At least he didn't seem to be in any pain & that is a good thing. I cannot stand it when he is in pain and moaning. It makes me want to beat all the doctors & nurses up until they make my Dad feel better. Nothing makes me angrier than wondering why a person has to be suffering when they are IN the hospital, those nurses & doctors need to think a little about that cuz it so heart breaking to see!
I would like to take the kids out to visit with him every week - weather & road conditions being considered before making the trip in. I think it is very important for my kids to have as much time with my Dad as possible now that his time to go is getting nearer. They need to get their closure with him before he is gone.
My son isn't one to talk much about his feelings but I know my Dad means a LOT to him. My Dad was the only male role model for my son for about 10 years of his life. He lived with my parents from approximately 5 years to 15 years of age. I was an idiot when I was younger, won't go into the details here - that is for another blog later when I'm ready to write about it.
My daughter is angry and sad... she has been thinking about Grandpa not being here to see her get married & to meet (possible) great grand kids. The reality of him NOT being here later on is hitting her harder than I thought it would. I suppose because my Dad has also been a big male role model in her life too.
Here are a few photos that were taken while we visited...
I love my Dad! I will always try to be the eldest daughter he can be proud of & I hope that I have done that. Although I know we have butt heads MANY TIMES he IS STILL and ALWAYS be my daddy<3! I am not like my 2 sisters... at ALL and I am a strong willed person with my own values and morals. I am NOT the "standard" daughter most know & love and I suppose that is why my relationship with my parents is a roller coaster ride at best. But whether we are talking or not I hope they both know that I love them and I am thankful for everything they've done for me & given me. We were raised differently back then compared to how things are done now... but we all survived and we are who we are because of that...
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