On March 11, 2011 my daddy celebrated his 76th birthday! It was a bittersweet party knowing that this will be the last birthday we celebrate with him. You see ... he has less than six months to live as his body/organs are slowly shutting down.
This is an emotionally hard time for us all. He has his good days where he looks great and is in high spirits then he has a bad day where he isn't feeling well, looks very pale & fragile and just seems very sad. I think the hardest part for me is admitting to myself that I am not ready for him to not be in my life. That there will come a time when I will call and he will not answer the phone. That I will go visit and he will not be there to see.
He has been moved to another nursing home, this is the second one, and he is not very happy there because he has a room mate and the room is very small. I am hoping that my mom will be able to get him into another room without a room mate until a private room becomes available. It is hard to visit and chat when there is a "stranger" on the other side of the room listening to everything that is said. Nothing against this man but it makes visits awkward I think and the last thing I want is to feel uncomfortable visiting my dad during his last days here.
My wish... to make my Dad not hurt. The hardest part, and the part that makes me angry is when my Dad hurts and there is nothing that can be done about it. I get angry at the nurses for not "fixing" it... it doesn't make any sense to me to be in a nursing home with all these nurses around and they can't do a damn thing about pain!!! I suppose that is what makes it easier to deal with his death... that he will not suffer and hurt any more but still... I WANT MY DADDY! Even though we were not real close while I was growing up I still want my Dad here!
I have many friends that do not have their parents here any more... I never could relate to how they felt but now I can now that my Dad will be gone! I know that we don't always agree and/or get along with our parents but life really is too short to let little things stop you from loving and spending time with your parents. Before you know it they are gone...
