One Day At a Time...

It is Oct. 23, 2011 - Donnie came home on August 23, 2011 because a warrant went active on him. We did some research to find out what S.O. was going to arrest him for, then we gathered the monies and went to Bobby Brown Bail Bonds to post his bond. When that was done I drove him to the jail and he turned himself in. It took a few hours but he was bonded out because we took care of all that prior to him turning himself in and he came home to me. Donnie was gone from July 21, 2011 to August 23, 2011 to do whatever the hell he wanted with whoever he wanted to do it with. He was not accountable for anything he did... and he did a LOT! Specially to myself and my kids. It was horrid and I thought I would not survive it. I forgave Donnie for the things that he did but to this day I still cannot forget. When I am pissed off at him everything comes out and I throw it back in his face! I am so shocked and sick to my stomach over it that I can cry uncontrollably at the drop of a hat over it all. I did things that I NEVER imagined he would do and I still am trying to understand why??? He went against every ounce of morals and values that he has and he did things with a 16 year old girl that at one time was my daughters BEST FRIEND! I can honestly say that Donnie is the ONLY man in my life that I can say honestly BROKE MY HEART! I still hurt am so scared to give all of myself to him for fear he will finish off my heart and disappear. I want so much to be able to turn back the clock to BEFORE he ever met that bitch, Bridget! She is the root of ALL evil and has truly screwed up her kids teaching them the evil things she does so well. But Karma is a bitch and it WILL catch up to her and I pray she will pay for everything she has EVER done to any one. I know since Donnie left them and came home that she has already lined up another victim to take his place.
This entire thing has changed Donnie, he isn't the same "Golden man" I married years ago. Because of all the hurt he has done to me and my kids we are also different, we will never be the same again. Hopefully it will prevent any of us from being hurt like this again. I was a very trusting person and believed everything Donnie said, it was the truth because he told me... I have since learned of a LOT of lies that I thought were truths but they are not. To this day he still tells lies and when I learn of the truth it tears more at my heart. Sometimes I wish I were dead so I wouldn't have to deal with the hurt and pain but I have kids that need me now. My kids keep me grounded, when I'm upset I think of them and it stops me from doing stupid things so they are my heroes.
I don't know if Donnie and I will make it or not... I'm taking one day at a time.