I am so tired of trying to do what is best for "us" when I'm not a part of plans or steps to take to get from point A to point B. I think I am TOO TRUSTING. I do have this to say... I will not be used for any ones purposes only to be thrown under the bus or abandoned again. The person I should be able to trust is the most confusing, lying, selfish, asshole when times are bad for us. Then he manipulates things around so I feel like it's my fault everything is happening. I promise you this babe, as the God and Goddess are my witness... if you are just keeping me around because I have a immaculate record/reputation to make yourself look good until you are off paper and then you will once again intimidate and abandon me with nothing I WILL see to it that all the appropriate authorities have everything needed to prosecute and "label" you for the rest of your existence on Earth for everything you were apart of. I will shout the truth about everything for all to know. You manipulate everything to fit your agenda and depending on the person you are telling your fairy tale to adapt things to get the most sympathy from them and whatever material items you've wanted.
I love him with all my heart and soul and if he in fact is just keeping me around until I'm not needed to make him look good and upstanding only to break me beyond repair I will hunt him down. I don't understand what he has that has got such a strong hold on me but I have come to the conclusion I don't know what "love" really is. If this is love it sucks ass and everyone cannot be going through the same type of bullshit. I think because of the dysfunctional lifestyle I was raised in I take all this as normal everyday life. If a person is raised in dysfunction and chaos that is all they know and therefore that is "normal". My entire life has been this way with every relationship I've ever had and this can't be how everyone else is living? There is doubt more than ever so I am on my toes and taking notes on all the dirty deeds and heads will roll in the aftermath of my destruction.
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